I’m back for the last time this month, dear friends, with a bit of a mixed bag today. We have a roommate issue, a landlord problem, and some romantic relationship advice for you. I hope you find some answers here.

My roommate is a swamp creature and uses up all the hot water before I get a chance, and expects me to split the water bill evenly. I told them that I don't think this is fair as I am often forced to take 2-minute ice cold showers. I told them I won't be paying more than 20% of the water bill and now my roomie is refusing to clean their swamp slime in the tub as revenge! Ugh.. AITA? (31f and 29f)

This is difficult, mainly because of the lack of information. Before stating you were only going to pay 20% of the bill, did you try to discuss this with them? I think it’s important to note swamp creatures do require a lot of hot water. Your roommate literally needs the water to live. But it is still unfair that you are forced into a position where you have to take quick, short showers.

You both need to sit down and discuss a compromise. When does your roommate shower? In the morning? Can you shower in the evening instead? Or vice versa, so you are not using the shower immediately after them. Alternatively, perhaps you could shower before your roommate! Another option would be dependent on your bathroom setup – do you only have a shower, or is a bath available? Could your roommate have a bath instead? This might perhaps be better for them. My ex was a swamp creature, and they found baths to be absolutely wonderful, and much more preferable to a shower once they got used to them!

What I’m trying to stress here is communication. Neither of you will be able to accept any ultimatum, and if you both keep putting them on the table you won’t get anywhere. Some sort of compromise and middle ground will be required from both of you,  but I am sure you can both work it out!

I am the Head Ghost in a very prestigious, stately manor and I manage a Haunting Unit of twelve. The old lady who owned the property was always very lovely to us and has, in fact, recently joined our team. Unfortunately, the manor has been passed on to a rather undesirable character (the lady’s nephew, I believe) who wants to tear it all down. I’ve been given the details of a supposedly reputable bio-exorcist, but is this a good idea?

Kind regards, Agatha P. Rothschilde

This is a very difficult situation, Agatha. Unlike your new team member, most humans are very resistant to the presence of ghosts. And bio-exorcists can be very risky – if it backfires, you could find your home gets torn down that much quicker!

Is the nephew aware of your existence? There is a lot of profit to be made in haunted homes nowadays, if they are opened up to the public. Consider a gentle haunting – not something to make the nephew scared, as such, but one in which he can see dollar signs flashing before his eyes. Are you able to communicate with him? If not, reach out to a medium. They might be able to intervene on your behalf, and perhaps communicate with a ‘ghost hunting’ team they know. You could stage something – ask the team to approach the nephew and explain they will pay him for the privilege of staying in the home overnight.

Of course, this means your haunting team will have to give guests something to keep coming back for. But it does not have to be too exhausting – most people who go for these kind of things are happy with a simple cold spot, or mysterious door slamming.

If you cannot contact a ghost team, try with some of your haunting team! Just one or two who can appear fully (with the assistance of a medium – the nephew will have to get some money out of it) can discuss it with him, perhaps posing as a ghost hunting team themselves.

Good luck, and please do keep us updated!

I’m pretty certain my vampire partner of three years has been lying to me and she is actually just a human Goth. I’ve been asking her to bite me for months now and turn me into an undead goddess like her, but she keeps refusing. What should I do?

(Name withheld)

It is a possibility, but you must look at other indications to work out if she is or isn’t a vampire. Please do not try to ‘test’ her by shoving her into sunlight or force-feeding her garlic. But if she actively avoids sunlight, gets adverse effects from it, perhaps sleeps from sun-up to sun-down, why would you think she is anything else? Why do you think she isn’t a vampire? Does she have a human diet? Is it simply because she refuses to turn you? If she is a vampire and she is not turning you, there might be other reasons for this. The life of a vampire is an extremely difficult one. Most don’t survive beyond their first two years. It is a huge change and adjustment, comes with difficult feeding habits and an inability to enjoy the sunshine. 

Perhaps she does not want to turn you because she is protecting you. You need to sit down and discuss this with her, make it clear you are open to listening to her concerns and why she refuses, and you have to decide if you are comfortable dating her whether she turns you or not, if she really is a vampire.

I know Werewolves and Vampires are supposed to be mortal enemies but my nose is so keen I can't stop myself from enjoying that bloody sweet smell when my neighbour comes home from dinner.  They have such long fingers too, I bet they'd be great at untangling my fur after an evening out.  My parents wouldn't approve but I say it's time for me to make my own decisions.  Would it be so wrong if I asked them out for an extra rare steak (not a stake!) and a run under the full moon? 

-signed Not A Furry

It would not be wrong at all. The heart wants what it wants. Love is love, and we cannot help who we fall in love with. I have known many vampire and werewolf couples who have made it work, but it is hard and yes, many have been disowned by their families because of it. Do not worry about your parents. If they have a problem, it is their problem, not yours, and what’s most important is your happiness.

Ask them out. You have little to lose and everything to gain. Good luck!

And there we have it. I do hope I have helped, and please feel free to update me! Although August is coming to a close, I am still available to answer any questions you might have, whether they be related to the monsters in your life or more supernatural issues. You can contact me using the form on the website, or e-mail broomhildavitch813@gmail.com.

Broomhilda retreated into the worlds because she was so tired with the world at large, but she does enjoy helping people and has a unique insight into unique problems. She is currently dating a succubus who comes and goes as she pleases, which is perfect for Broomhila’s lifestyle. She spends most of her time with her three-headed puppy, three-legged cat, and three-eyed dragon. Broomhilda is still trying to get the hang on Twitter, and you can follow her on there, @BroomhildaAgony.