Agony Aunt Answers: High Notes of Dating in the Theatre, Elder Gods, and Workplace Discrimination

Welcome, my dears, to the next instalment of my column. Today we have a young man struggling with the idea his boyfriend may have kidnapped someone from the local theatre. We also have a father trying to deal with his daughter, and a vampire with an inconsiderate employer.

My BF says he didn't kidnap the soprano from our local theatre club via trap door in the stage.  He says I'm the only one that can hit the high notes in his life, but I'm not sure I believe him!  Is he cheating on me? What should I do? (21m and 22m)

You have to really ask yourself – what makes you think he kidnapped the soprano? If there are concrete reasons for you to believe this, versus believing him, you have to strongly consider your next steps. Please don’t be afraid to seek outside help – someone capable of that can also be capable of much more.

Alternatively, sometimes our insecurities come out and run the risk of alienating those we love. Do you really believe he kidnapped the soprano, or is this a reflection of your own fears for your relationship? Either way, I want you to pay attention to my next words. Focus. Okay, ready?

A good relationship is built on communication. You will not know anything unless you actually speak to your boyfriend. But before you do, work out what you want to say. Don’t swing in immediately with the accusations. Sit down, or speak to an objective friend. Work through why you think he’d kidnapped the soprano. Does it really seem like something he would do? Are the signs actually pointing in the right direction? If not, you need to understand why you felt like that. Were you cheated on in the past? Does your boyfriend have a lair beneath the local theatre that you feel he might be using for illicit purposes? If so, ask if you can visit! Explain you want to be part of his life, his whole life, and that means gaining access to spaces like that even if it is just for a short time. 

Be open and honest.

And if he did kidnap the soprano and is cheating on you? Speak to the locals at the theatre. I’m sure they’ll be happy to have a reasonable discussion and help you flush him out without turning into a mob that chases him onto the roof.

Good luck! I promise – you’ve got this.

I live with the human embodiment of an Elder God. My daughter, the mighty Cthella, picks on me daily. How do I stop such a powerful being from calling me Mr Poopy Poophead?

Ah, well, it sounds like your daughter may be going through a tough time of her own. There are many stages in a child’s life where they struggle – as toddlers and children, they are learning to deal with emotions that they sometimes can’t articulate, and which can feel too big for their own bodies. If your daughter is a little older, it might be that she is going through – or about to go through – puberty. Again, this is a difficult time for teenagers, when everything feels amazing, but the smallest slight can really ruin their day.

Basically, your daughter is experiencing a lot she can’t explain, and she is also pushing her boundaries. Children often do this with the people they feel the most safe with, even if they happen to be an Elder God. Her god status is probably making things that much worse and difficult for her, so I would suggest patience. It is not an easy thing to navigate. There are groups online for parents of such Eldritch horrors, consider joining one of these. Talk to your daughter, too. Open that line of communication – make sure she understands she is safe with you, but also realises the hurt words can inflict.

Many people were taught the saying “Sticks and stones…”, but honestly? It’s bullshit. Words very much can hurt, and your daughter needs to realise this. But she calls you names because she knows she can, and knows you will not hurt her in return.

So my advice: communication is key, but you need support too! It sounds like your daughter is not malicious, so you should be able to lightly punish her without her damaging you. But tread carefully – children and teenagers struggle with their emotions, but so do Elder Gods, and if pushed too hard they can inflict real damage! Talk to her, join some support groups, and I think you’ll find a way in which you and everyone else in your household can live in harmony.

Dear Broomhilda,

I work for a security firm doing night-time shifts. My employer has recently suggested that he wants to change my hours to daytime ones. I recently came out as a third-generation Vampire (and I’m out and proud) and I feel like this is deliberate discrimination. What can I do?

Yours, Petyr Vladislav-Brownlee

Oh, Petyr. I am so sorry your employer is doing this to you. Especially as they know about your situation. Unfortunately, no matter how understanding some managers might seem at first, they often put the needs of the business ahead of their employee. Too many people are promoted who actually don’t have the people skills required to manage actual people. HR might be able to help you, if that’s an option, but make sure you’re aware that HR, too, can often work in the interests of the company, not the employee.

That does not mean all is lost! Working a daytime shift would put you at huge risk. At the least, you would then have to take time off to recover. At worst, it could result in your death. The company must make attempts to understand this. What would be worse for them, you continuing with night shifts, or you unable to come into work at all? My biggest suggestion would be to sit down with your employer and explain this to him. Even with vampires revealing themselves now, there are still many who believe they do not exist, or that special considerations do not need to be made. If your employer is like this, I would ensure to emphasise to him that yes, operating during daylight hours poses a real threat to your health, vampire or not. 

If you can afford to, contact an employment lawyer, too. You are absolutely right – it is discrimination, and you must be your own biggest champion here. If you wish to email me directly, I can put you in contact with a fantastic lawyer who deals with clients like yourself often. Look after yourself, Petyr, and remember, your employer has absolutely no right to force you into a situation that endangers you.

Well, dear friends, there we have it. I do hope that was helpful. And perhaps it is time I ask you a question – what kind thing have you done today? Remember, a kind gesture doesn’t have to be for someone else. You must be kind to yourself, too. If you have any questions, please e-mail broomhildavitch813@gmail.com

Broomhilda has seen a lot. Seriously. She has been alive longer than some places have been countries. During that time, she has dealt with a variety of supernatural creatures, including but not limited to vampires, werewolves, and ghosts. She believes in empathy and compassion above all else. Broomhilda currently lives with her three-headed puppy, three-legged cat, and three-eyed dragon, as well as a werewolf she thinks has stronger feelings for her than she has for them. She is on Twitter, @BroomhildaAgony.