Agony Aunt Answers: Being the Brainiest and Dating the Undead

Dear Broomhilda,

May you please advise on how to deal with being the brainiest kid in the family and avoid being eaten by your relatives :( (16M)

Being the ‘different one’ in any family is very hard. There are expectations formed when you are a child, based on what your family think you will be. And as you change and grow into your own person, your family have to alter those expectations. Some people find it hard to do. Others swing so much in the opposite direction they put extra pressure on the kids.

But you say you’re the brainiest kid in the family – I promise, you will get out of there. Right now, my concern is your safety. Do you have a friend you can reach out to, who may be able to put you up for a bit? Some time away from your family might do wonders for you. Even if you do feel safe, there are pressures on you, so staying with someone else will still help.

Are you able to reason with your family? If so, carve out your own space. Get a lock for your door, tell them for particular periods of time you are completely unavailable to them – focus on your own joys, your own hobbies.

If possible, get a part-time job. A bit more independence and money in your pocket will get you out of the house. It might also help your self-confidence. 

The most important thing is to look after yourself. Contrary to what some people will tell you, just because you share blood doesn’t mean you owe them anything. Protect yourself, protect your brains, and I think you’ll have a very bright future ahead.

Dear Broomhilda,

This guy I went out with, he's great. He's tall, funny, and looks past all my flaws. But he doesn't ever let me go back to his place. I followed him after a date one night, and he ended up going to Swan Cemetery. I lost track of him, but I stumbled upon a freshly made grave. The name was the same as Joseph's. I'm scared. Do you think he's... a zombie?

I thought you all knew how to find out all the information about people you wanted now, with all that social media! But honestly, there are different types of zombies, and if your guy is able to converse, and isn’t constantly looking at you with hunger instead of desire, he’s likely the kind of zombie who is able to effectively manage his diet. Which means, basically, he is no threat to you. So don’t feel scared. Zombies like Joseph are essentially just like the rest of us. Well, you. He just eats differently. Talk to him. Communication is always key in situations like this. But apologise for following him! That is not a good look at all. Treat him like you would any other boyfriend. Be curious, but don’t push him. Be understanding and emphatic. If you two really click as much as you say, it seems silly to throw this away over something trivial.

That is it for today, my dears. I am all tapped out.

Feel free to keep submitting your questions to BroomhildaVitch813@gmail.com

Broomhilda refuses to tell anyone how old she is, or even her surname. But she has been around the block. Many, many times. She has tried to retire over and over again but keeps getting herself swept up in some world-saving event. Sometimes these involve dealings with vampires, werewolves, and other creatures humans pretend don’t exist. As such, she has extensive knowledge of various types of different monsters and has decided to use this knowledge to help humans and others trying to deal with their monstrous loved ones. She isn’t sure which partner she is currently cohabiting with but thinks it might be the incubus because his presence often means small slips of the mind. She always has her three-headed puppy, three-legged cat, and three-eyed dragon nearby.