Maiden, Mother, Crone: Witchy Films and Fiction Which Won’t Frighten the Pants Off You

The following are all (mostly) PG or PG13 movies, with a few exceptions, but they all tend to focus on the fun or flirty over frightening (with the exception of The Witches. That movie is fucking terrifying…).

Hocus Pocus (1993) Let’s begin with one of the very best… A teen town newcomer accidently awakens a trio of 17th century witches and unleashes a good measure of wholesome and charming witchy chaos. There is a reason this is a Halloween classic, but I believe it should be watched and enjoyed at any time. Has there ever been a more delightful, fictional witchy threesome than Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker and Kathy Najimy? Answer: No, there has not. 

Practical Magic (1998) (Based on the book by Alice Hoffman.) Two witchy sisters, raised by their aunts in small-town America, strive to overcome the curse which prevents them from finding true love. Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman are clearly in their element here as very polar opposite sisters, and the power of true love is seen to be the very strongest magic you can find. Also, magical Aunts who feed you chocolate brownies for breakfast? Sign me up. 

Fun fact: this was directed by Griffin Dunne, aka Zombie Jack in An American Werewolf in London. 

Stardust (2001) (Based on the book by Neil Gaiman) In a town in the country which borders a magical land, a young man makes a bold promise to the woman he wants to impress, that he will bring her a fallen star from inside the magical realm. Good witches, bad witches and a succession of family ghosts are also keen to find the star, to take her power for themselves. Stardust is wonderfully cast and beautifully shot as well as being genuinely heart-warming and fun. 

Halloweentown (1998) Teen witches, good witches and all-round witchy hijinks abound as Halloweentown must be saved from evil forces. This is a feel-good, family-friendly, lil’ spooky witch flick, ideal for a rainy day all wrapped up with some hot chocolate and tasty snacks. 

The Craft (1996) A newcomer to a Catholic high school falls in with a trio of teenage witches, and soon they begin conjuring up spells and curses against all those who anger them. This is a high school Goth/outcast staple and cult classic, and almost all of us who were called “weird” at a formative age can identify with how the four girls might feel. However, it’s also a metaphor and a cautionary tale for the dangers of addiction and falling in with the wrong crowd. Just like a lot of witchy tales…

Beastly (2011) A modern-day take on Beauty and the Beast, a teen is turned into a “hideous” monster and has to find someone who will love him for how he looks. Despite some problematic plot points (you do not have to be ‘beautiful’ to be desirable! Grrr!)  it’s a fun and enjoyable, if a little predictable, tale. Mary-Kate Olsen precedes her ‘Scarlet Witch’ sister, playing the witch who casts the disfiguring spell. 

The Witches of Eastwick (1987) (Based on the book by John Updike.)  Three single women have their wishes granted when a handsome and seductive stranger comes to town. But their emotions are dashed when he turns out to be a bit of a player, and the women use their powers for revenge. I have personally never found Jack Nicolson to be remotely attractive, but each to their own on this. However, Cher, Susan Sarandon and Michelle Pfeiffer as three badass, sexy witches? Absolutely inspired casting. *chef’s kiss* 

(Warning: Some scenes are definitely not suitable for kids… I have a strong aversion to cherries thanks to this film.)

The Love Witch (2016) A recent watch for me thanks to the DHR crew talking about it, and I’m very glad I found it. This is a fun horror-comedy homage to the 1960’s with a modern-day witch using magic and spells to make men fall in love with her – unfortunately with some deadly and tragic consequences. This is a little sexier and less family-friendly, and I adore it for its examination of feminist thinking and how it portrays the femme-fatale archetype, plus the 60’s Bewitched-style colours make it a beautiful and thoughtful film to lose yourself in. 

The Witches (1990) (Based on the book by Roald Dahl) When a young boy stumbles onto a Witch Convention, the Head Witch turns him into a mouse. But being small and furry won’t stop him from trying to foil the witches plans. As an impressionable 11 year old when I first saw this, I can honestly say the Head Witch haunted my nightmares, and the body-shock horror of being turned into a mouse while a bunch of evil witches try to stamp on you also gave me the serious creeps. So I guess this might just be the first “horror” film I ever saw… 

Witching and Bitching (2013) Las Brujas de Zugarramurdi (Original title) Okay, so this one isn’t for a family-friendly audience. What Shaun of the Dead did for zombies and What We Do in the Shadows did for vampires, Witching and Bitching does for witches. When a gang of armed robbers find themselves in a village filled with witches, they must save themselves, and the world from a witch apocalypse. It’s ridiculous, sometimes gory but a whole lot of fun. 

Hayao Miyazaki’s Witchy Trio: 

As a big, big fan of Studio Ghibli movies, I have to include three of my very favourites.

Kiki’s Delivery Service (1989) A young witch, living independently for a year, runs an air courier service while she strives to fit into her new community. Such a wonderful, eloquent, positive film and also, “Did you see that cat?!” 

Howl’s Moving Castle (2004) A young woman is cursed with an old body by a spiteful witch, and her only chance of breaking the spell lies with a young wizard and his companions in his walking castle. Very loosely based on the novel by Diana Wynne Jones (which I also recommend) this melds 20th Century technology with witchcraft and war and teaches a powerful lesson about compassion.

Spirited Away (2001) When her family moves home, a young girl accidently wanders into a supernatural world full of gods, witches, and spirits, and where humans are changed into beasts. When her parents are turned into pigs by a witch, ten year old Chihiro must do what she can to reverse the spell. Another tale of how love can conquer evil and is the strongest ‘magic’ there is.  

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As a writer based in New Zealand, it would be remiss of me to not include these feel-good New Zealand-based contemporary witchy fiction books, with a dash of romance. There are seven titles out now, with many more to follow, and all are magical and joyous reads. 

https://www.witchyfiction.com:

From the heart of Wellington City to the snow-capped Mount Taranaki, from Dunedin’s historic streets to the coastal settlement of Akaroa, these New Zealand witches discover who they are, protect the local rivers and wildlife, untangle mysteries, and find out a little more about the monster under the floor. Accompanied by familiars with claws, feathers and fins, the witches in these stories discover new powers, concoct new ways to support their families and find themselves on the path to love. 

Nova Blake Hexes & Vexes (shout out to Rufus the Magpie who almost stole the show for me in this book.) 

Andi C. Buchanan Succulents & Spells 

KM Jackways Brand of Magic 

Isa Pearl Ritchie Holloway Witches 

Helen Vivienne Fletcher Familiars & Foes 

Janna Ruth Witching with Dolphins 

Jamie Sands Overdues & Occultism 

Want more? Check these out:

Deborah Harkness A Discovery of Witches

Teresa Medeiros Breath of Magic 

Paula Brackston The Witch’s Daughter 

Gregory Maguire Wicked 

Neil Gaiman The Ocean at the End of the Lane

Anne Rice The Witching Hour

Kiran Millwood Hargrave The Mercies

Elizabeth George Speare The Witch of Blackbird Pond

Moïra Fowley-Doyle Spellbook of the Lost and Found

Terry Pratchett – Equal Rites, Wyrd Sisters, Witches Abroad, Carpe Jugulum, A Hat Full of Sky, Wee Free Men (plus others)

By Mx T.