Pride in Horror Short Story: Eternal, Undying
She was probably being too obvious for her partner’s comfort, but the vampire couldn’t tear her eyes away from her. Clarissa.
She sat there at her library desk, furiously scribbling about something-or-other for the newest paper she was working on. It needed to be submitted in the morning. Clarissa had worried; it was due for publication soon and Ivaline had distracted her from her edits for the last time. It was the early hours, and she worked by candlelight, claiming it was the best and most reliable light she could source right now. Ivaline didn’t mind though. It reminded her of bygone eras, and besides, Clarissa looked ravishing in the light, her skin softened in the mid-darkness. Occasionally, it seemed to Ivaline that the two of them in the library at this hour, Clarissa frantically writing and Ivaline just watching, seemed like they were hiding away from the world, but hey, weren’t they always?
If there was such a thing as angels, which Ivaline was wont to believe, considering her own existence, then Clarissa was one, sent here to Earth. The soft curves of her body, the dimple that formed in her cheeks, the smile that covered her entire face when she was desperately trying to hold it back… she was perfection embodied in one, mortal creature.
Mortal.
Ivaline felt her eyebrows furrow, and she must have let out one of her signature huffs, because Clarissa spun in her chair, away from her research, already rolling her eyes.
“Are you trapped in your mind again?” she asked, eyebrows raised and with a wry smile, but Ivaline got the impression she didn’t approve. She usually didn’t approve of Ivaline’s whimsy, academia didn’t account for that, but Ivaline loved her for it.
“I was just thinking about how much I love you. Eternal love. Undying love.” Ivaline smiled, realising she had said the wrong thing when Clarissa’s smile disappeared.
“Not everyone can be like you, Ivaline.” Clarissa murmured, her eyes dropping away from the vampire’s. Ivaline wanted so much to reach out, to take Clarissa in her arms and kiss her worries away, but that would be the wrong approach. Shaking, she stretched her hand out, grasping Clarissa’s.
“You could be. I could turn you and you could be like me, and we could be together forever.” Ivaline could hear a tiny whine in her voice, and she felt ashamed of it, but Clarissa didn’t turn.
“I can’t. The ability to live through centuries, to see so much history… it’s enticing. But I can’t, Ivaline. I can’t give up my humanity. Not even for you.” Clarissa’s voice broke on that last line, and Ivaline noticed a tear falling silently down her face. How she wanted to kiss it away, pretend this conversation wasn’t happening, but now she had started, she had to finish.
“But you could stay with me. Until the end,” Ivaline declared, slowly pulling a ring off of her own finger. It had been her mother’s ring, hastily placed in her hand as she died, and it hadn’t left her finger. Until now.
“I know we can’t really get married, but we could promise to be together, to love each other, and we would know that we were married. Because, honestly Clarissa, I don’t think I will ever love anyone as much as I love you. For as long as I live.” Ivaline held the small gold, ruby band up to Clarissa. “Will you marry me?”
The words had hardly left Ivaline’s mouth when Clarissa threw herself forward, launching herself into her paramour’s arms.
“I love you; I love you; I love you.” She whispered furiously against her lover’s mouth, hands in Ivaline’s hair, tracing circles up and down her arms, pulling her closer and closer as if she could pull her into her own skin and they could truly become one.
***
The university was only a couple of decades older than her, a fact Ivaline found very amusing. The large, ornate brick buildings cloaked in burnt orange leaves, the soft coos of squeaking floorboards, the heavy promise of the future in the air; this place was everything she had imagined. She had felt pulled to this place, and since she was offered a professor’s assistant position, it felt like fate. And if Ivaline hadn’t known better, she would have thought that the young professor with the tightly curled ebony hair and the ocean blue eyes was flirting with her.
She watched as the young woman sidled up to her, her skirt swinging around her calves, the lapels of her dress revealing the slightest hint of her collarbones, and that ruby red smirk plastered over her face. Ivaline was sure that if her heart could beat, it would pound out of her chest, forcing blood into her face. She felt like she could burn scarlet.
“Professor Clarissa Cribbs.” The woman held out her hand, exuding confidence as she smiled at Ivaline. Her eyes gazing into Ivaline’s, and Ivaline just wanted to dive in and swim in them forever. She took the woman’s—Clarissa’s— hand, and smirked back at her. Two could play that game.
Slowly, eyes trapped in Clarissa’s the entire time, she raised her hand to her mouth and gently kissed the back of Clarissa’s hand, delighting in the blush that graced her cheeks.
“Ivaline. I’m your assistant for the year.” Her voice was deeper than she would have liked, but Clarissa shivered, and she knew then that their lives were destined to be intertwined, that they were fated to be with each other, that this was the woman she was going to marry, if such a thing could even happen.
She would make it so, she decided. Even if she had to move heaven and hell to do so. She would marry this woman if it killed her, even if it was the last thing she’d ever do.
***
Clarissa felt like this was a stupid idea. Marriage between two women was not legal, so it would just be a parody of a wedding, not a real one. But Ivaline craved the ceremony. She needed it, in a way. She needed just a moment in time to prove she was wed to this woman, that they belonged together and to each other. It didn’t matter if it were legal. It mattered. It was real, and it always would be. It would bind them together, forever, and they’d live happily together, forever. She had persisted, and had pestered Clarissa, and finally, she won.
And now, she was shaking.
Holding her hand up, noticing the small tremor, she was …bemused. Shaking? Was she nervous? Was her body reacting to outside events, even without her intervention or intention? Fascinating, what the human body could do, Ivaline thought to herself. And it was Clarissa who had done this to her, who had put her under this spell. She smiled softly to herself, the realisation sweeping over her again and again. It was true what they said; love did change you. Clarissa had changed her.
She wished she could see herself, to check how she looked before walking out into the hall. Her vampiric nature wouldn’t allow her to check her reflection, so she smoothed down the lace on her high-necked dress and adjusted the tightly plaited crown she had braided into her hair. Clarissa loved to plait Ivaline’s hair— her own hair was too short, so Ivaline had decided she had to wear her hair like this for Clarissa. Taking a deep breath, she picked up her bouquet—blood red roses, of course— and walked into the university’s entrance hall.
Ivaline had insisted on marrying in the very spot where they had met, and while her partner initially teased her for being overly sentimental, Ivaline knew she thought it was romantic as well. The moon was full and heavy in the sky, and the moonlight reflected through the trappings of the building’s Gothic exterior, casting shapes on the ruby, emerald and obsidian tiled floor. The ceilings were higher than Ivaline ever realised ceilings could be, and paintings older than her adorned the walls. Ivaline loved it here. She knew why she’d been drawn here. She’d been drawn to her.
One of the heavy, wooden doors creaked open, and Ivaline turned to see Clarissa walking towards her, a vision in ivory. Ivaline was inclined to believe that God didn’t exist, but Clarissa was a goddess here; the satin of her dress swooping in a cowl neck around her collarbones and down her back. Dark hair tightly curled, her eyes locked intensely with Ivaline’s as she walked closer and closer, her hands full with a bouquet of white tulips. She stopped in front of her, taking Ivaline’s free hand with her opposite one.
“Hi,” she whispered, unable to keep the joy off of her face or out of her voice.
“Hi,” she echoed back.
The hall was empty, save the two of them, and no one would ever see, or ever know, but that just made this moment more fragile, more precious.
“I could travel a thousand miles, live a thousand lives, exist a thousand years and never, ever find someone like you.” Ivaline murmured, stepping closer.
“I have never known love before you. I hope never to know what it’s like to live without love again,” Clarissa whispered, before drawing Ivaline in for a kiss.
***
It wouldn’t be long now, Ivaline knew. Clarissa had been consistently beautiful throughout her life, but it was different now. Clarissa was older, her hair bleached by time, her eyes crinkling as she smiled. It wouldn’t be long now until the end, but she couldn’t bear to let herself think about it. She didn’t know how she would ever survive that. It felt like she had barely lived before she had met Clarissa, how could she ever bear the soon to be reality of losing her?
She hadn’t realised she was staring at her until Clarissa huffed and put down her book to stare disapprovingly at her.
“Are you trapped in your mind again, wife?” she asked, a little huffy, a little smile at the end but Ivaline couldn’t laugh. Panic swirled around in her mind. How much time did she have? Would it hurt? What would she do, after? She couldn’t be alone.
“You’re going to die.” It came out before she could stop it, the words just blurted at Clarissa, and something ripped inside Ivaline’s chest. And Clarissa—Clarissa’s eyes just softened as she sighed, as if she had already accepted what would inevitably happen.
“Yes. I am going to die. One day,” she confirmed. Her voice was soft and soft and accepting, confident even.
“I don’t want you to,” Ivaline rasped. Her cheeks felt wet, and she realised that she was crying, something she rarely was able to do, but she couldn’t stop.
“I know you don’t want me to, my love, but it will happen. You can’t stop it.” Clarissa murmured. And it came to Ivaline.
“I can. I can stop it,” she exclaimed. Clarissa didn’t move.
“No, my darling. You cannot stop death.” Her voice sounded resigned, but Ivaline didn’t hear that.
“I can! I have that power!” Adrenaline rushed through her veins. She didn’t notice Clarissa’s falling face.
“No, Ivaline.” Her voice was firm, but Ivaline couldn’t hear her now.
“I could turn you—” Ivaline felt her face flush, her speech getting more and more frantic.
“No—” She begged.
“And we could run away from here—” She couldn’t hear her wife.
“Ivaline—”
“And we can escape death together, live together forever, love each other forever!” Ivaline exclaimed, watching as Clarissa turned away.
“You can’t escape death, Ivaline, you can only postpone it. And I don’t want death to be postponed.” Her voice cracked, and Ivaline felt like the air had been forcefully pushed out of her lungs.
“You don’t want to stay with me?” She asked, betrayal dripping throughout her voice.
“That’s not what I said—” Clarissa started, but she was cut off.
“Then what are you saying, Clarissa?” Ivaline hadn’t realised she was shouting until she saw Clarissa wince.
“Clarissa—” But Ivaline was cut off.
“You cannot escape death, Ivaline, it comes for us all! And I don’t want to escape it! It’s a …perversion of nature and I refuse to be part of it. I refuse.” Clarissa pushed herself up from her armchair, slowly, her arms shaking as she did so, to walk away.
“Do you think I’m a perversion of nature?” Ivaline asked, her heart breaking, but Clarissa didn’t answer as she walked away.
***
Ivaline couldn’t sleep. She hadn’t been able to properly sleep for centuries at this point, but she had always pretended, for Clarissa’s sake. Clarissa had always felt comforted, especially as she aged, knowing Ivaline was close enough to protect her from any of her earthly worries. For her own part, sometimes Ivaline could even pretend that she was drifting away to sleep as well, occasionally making herself so still she could believe she was dreaming. But this time, something was wrong. She couldn’t place it, until it all clicked for her, terribly in her mind. She couldn’t hear Clarissa breathing.
She couldn’t bring herself to look. She knew that it would happen eventually, but she hadn’t thought it could be so soon. She wasn’t entirely surprised though. It had been decades now since their first meeting, and humans only lived so long. She’d always resisted the change, ever since their first smile, and the gradual change of Clarissa’s hair from ebony to ivory hadn’t gone unnoticed. In fact, Ivaline had seen it as a horrible omen, alongside the strength disappearing from her hands, or the now significantly slower pace she walked.
Ivaline listened again, trying desperately to ignore the phantom blood rushing through her ears. No breath.
“Clarissa?” She whispered to a dead silence. “Clarissa, are you there?” Her hand snaked out to take her wife’s hand, next to hers where it belonged, now stone cold.
She was gone. A sob ripped from Ivaline’s throat.
“Clarissa!” she cried, but there was no hope. Clarissa had begun her journey alongside the River Styx, away from where Ivaline could join her. She would be alone again… but how could she be now? Was there any point to her, without her wife next to her?
Slowly, softly, Ivaline leant down, pressing a gentle kiss to her wife’s forehead. She knew what she had to do.
It could only have been minutes that passed, but it felt like hours as Ivaline carefully dressed them both. She smiled as she adjusted the swooping satin of Clarissa’s neckline, her lace sleeves chafing but she hardly felt it. The air was changing, it was still and Ivaline knew she should feel sad, scared, but she just felt… calm.
The curtains were open, and the sunrise was throwing long streaks of golden light into their bedroom. It was nearly time, and Ivaline was surprised to say that a frisson of excitement flickered through her.
She hadn’t seen the sunrise in centuries.
Carefully, she leant down, capturing her wife’s ruby red lips for the last time.
“It took me centuries, but I found you in this life. I’ll find you in the next,” she whispered, before sitting up, holding Clarissa tightly to her chest, as she faced the sun’s fiery rays.
Short Story By Sarah R. New
Twitter/Bluesky/Instagram: @aldbera
